After six years of leading the Menlo Park City School District in the Silicon Valley of California, it’s time to say goodbye to a District I have been honored to serve. After six years of blogging it’s also time to sunset the SupsOn Blog. For those who have found value in the musings I share each month, I thank you for taking the time to read and consider my thoughts on education, parenting, and community over these years. We’ve certainly covered quite the variety of topics and lived through interesting times.
If you are disappointed to miss out on this voice, never fear; I’m leaving my job, but not the joy of writing. I hope to start up a new blog in 2023 on similar topics but from a slightly different perspective. This blog site will remain accessible through June 2023 and if you “subscribe” to it by clicking HERE, you are sure to be included on the recipients of my new blog when it is up and running.
As I have prepared to leave my post, many folks have asked what advice I would share with those who are tasked with stewarding our schools into the future. I have responded with this: Public education is being tested in ways it has never been tested before. Some are obvious, but the most challenging of the pressures are subtle. Good schools are the hallmark of good communities. We must—all of us—continue to support our public schools regardless of whether or not we have children in them.
When we fail to elevate education professions, recruit our best and brightest, support their continuous development, and compensate them with the professional wages they need and deserve, we quite literally are writing the epitaph for an institution that remains the backbone of our democracy.
Why is this the advice I offer as I leave above all the other options? Like the headline on an August 15, 2022 article highlighted, “The Teacher Shortage is Bad. Really Bad.” There’s nothing particularly remarkable about this one article; it’s just that it is only one of thousands that have been printed and posted over the last twelve months. Unfortunately, I think we’re only seeing the tip of this iceberg. The political and financial strains on the system are as heavy as they have ever been. Our elected leaders and local communities are not making choices that make education look any more attractive to those who are graduating from college or considering shifts in their careers.
Those schools and communities that prioritize the recruitment, support, compensation, and development of high-quality teachers and staff will not only survive the pressures, but thrive in the world ahead. What school looks like in the future may change--and I would argue, must change--and be different for different types of kids and communities. However, the necessity of good public schools and the important role they serve in the furtherance of our democratic society can not be overstated.
I am so grateful for the memories and the trust and confidence of the community I have served. I look forward to my personal adventure ahead, which will include consulting youth-serving organizations (including schools) and a healthy dose of advocacy for strengthening one of our most sacred institutions--public education.
It’s not goodbye; it’s "until next time…"
Helicopter parents, snowplow parents, bulldozer parents, jackhammer parents, Tiger Moms, Free Range parenting. The list of parenting metaphors seems to grow daily and you would be forgiven for some amount of confusion about what works and what doesn’t. In an effort to provide some clarity amidst the confusion, the district I lead has used its popular speaker series over the last ten years to address the over/under parenting dilemma and present paths for parents to choose healthy involvement in their kids’ experience while understanding how crucial it remains for children to have their own agency as well.
This month, our district presented a two-part mini-series titled, “Where Did Childhood Go?” After screening the acclaimed documentary Chasing Childhood followed the next week with a fireside chat with noted parenting advocate and best-selling author Julie Lythcott-Haims, there were so many nuggets of truth that I took away, but the three that really stand out for me are worth repeating.
The Power of Free Play
Researcher Peter Gray, author of Free to Learn and the Freedom to Learn blog hosted by Psychology Today, defines play as having these fundamental qualities: Play is self-chosen and self-directed; play is activity in which means are more valued than ends; play has structure, or rules, which are not dictated by physical necessity but emanate from the minds of the players; play is imaginative, non-literal, mentally removed in some way from “real” or “serious” life; and, play involves an active, alert, but non-stressed frame of mind. You can read Dr. Gray’s full blog post here. Julie Lythcott-Haims told us that play is when no adults are present. She put it so bluntly as to say that when an adult is there, kids are not playing. And when kids don’t play, they miss out.
It is not uncommon for me to walk my Menlo Park neighborhood with my dog on a beautiful afternoon, weekend, or day off and literally see NO children playing in the street or at the park. Having lived my entire childhood outside--even in BAD weather--it simply baffles me that so few children in our neighborhoods are out playing. It’s not that they aren’t doing something. Quite the contrary. Many are on wonderful vacations in Hawaii, spending their 5th hour on their video game SO close to victory, practicing with their club sports team that costs their parents tens of thousands of dollars, pounding the keys of the piano with their private teacher, or getting tutored in math despite being two years above expected grade level. I have no delusions that this reality will change; however, I hope we all--including myself--will consider how we might make some meaningful adjustment to getting our kids outside without an adult, without an agenda, without technology yet WITH other kids to figure out how to entertain themselves on their own.
The benefits of such unstructured play are without question and they are skills that colleges say students are lacking, employers report young recruits are lacking, and parents of young adults are left scratching their heads wondering, “How did that happen?” In unstructured play children learn creativity, problem solving, team work, compassion, emotional regulation…The list goes on and on.
Listen To and Take the Lead of Your Child
Every child is different. They have different needs, strengths, opinions, and wiring. We heard this message loud and clear from our viewing of Chasing Childhood, from the panel of education specialists following the viewing, and from Julie Lythcott-Haims. Julie shared the honest story of her journey to understand her son’s ADHD and anxiety and how after years of trying to mold him into a version of what she wanted him to be, she let go and dove into understanding who he truly was only to find a happier child and an even greater pride in what he had to overcome to realize his true self. Julie, no doubt, shared this story to say to all of us, “If I, Julie Lythcott-Haims, a parenting expert, have to learn these lessons, then there is NO shame in any of us admitting that we have some work to do in our approach to parenting.”
As Julie reminds us, the sooner we let go of our expectations for what our children will do, how they will behave, what they will excel at, and how they will show up, the more completely our children will thrive. It’s a journey. What works for one child, won’t necessarily work for another child even in the same family. Listen to them. What is their truth? Allow their truth to guide you in the parenting decisions you make? And make no mistake, the role of the parent to parent is essential. We are the bumpers in the bowling lane of childhood and adolescence. We are there to ensure they don’t gutter; but we don’t want to bring those bumpers so close that they get a strike every time, lest our children fall apart as soon as the bumpers are removed.
At the risk of repetition: Every child is different. As anyone with more than one child or with their own siblings knows, even within families, kids’ personalities, interests, risk tolerance, skills, etc, can totally vary from one child to the next. So why are we constantly comparing our kids to everyone else’s? Why do we have this narrow vision of what a “successful” child/young adult/adult is that entails academic excellence, multiple extracurriculars, a “top” college, all leading to a high-paying career in tech or finance? Julie pointed out that we all know better, but human nature takes over and we can’t help but wonder how our kids will turn out and we use other kids as the measure of their success. We even let our own worth as parents be dictated by how successful our kids are perceived to be. This can be especially toxic in my home community, Silicon Valley, where the drive to succeed is framed by our proximity to selective universities, tech billionaires, and the most expensive real estate in the country. We start to see access to these things as the barometer of success.
Julie shared another deeply personal story of her parenting journey, this time with her daughter. She fully expected this bright young woman to pursue a highly paid career, ignoring her daughter’s talent and interest in the arts. After some rough introspection, she realized that success is not about our kids fulfilling our dreams for them, it’s about their happiness and authenticity to self. Now, she beams when talking about her daughter’s artistic pursuits and has confidence that she will make her way because it is her way to make.
When we compare our kids to others, or to an idealized version of what we hope for them to be, or even to our own younger selves and perhaps our missed opportunities, we deny our children the right to be themselves. Imagine a community that valued equally the artists, writers, teachers, librarians, mechanics, and community activists along with the doctors, lawyers, venture capitalists, and tech titans. Imagine the difference it could make in young people’s lives growing up knowing that their individual gifts and pursuits were encouraged and fostered. When we fret over the increased stress and anxiety our children feel today, let’s take a hard look at the expectations we have of them and expand those expectations to include the myriad ways people can contribute to their world; they might just start to relax into a sense of purpose and belonging knowing their contributions matter.
And if you must compare - as humans are wont to do - wouldn’t it be a kick if we sung from the rooftop that our child was the dirtiest, or picked the coolest flower in the outfield of the baseball game, or made the funniest joke at the piano recital, or even chose the least expensive university out of the options afforded her/him? When we not only accept our children for who they are, but CELEBRATE their uniqueness, along with our appropriate role in helping them find their way, I predict we will finally solve the over/under parenting conundrum and end up right in the middle where we should have been all along.
If you do not spend at least some of your time in either Tech or Education, you may not know exactly what is meant by the term “EdTech.” Not unlike “FinTech” (technology that enables banking and finance activity) or “MedTech” (technology that enables medical and health activity), EdTech refers to digital solutions in the education space that make the work of educators more efficient or better and the work of students easier and more impactful--or at least that is the hope.
As I write this blog, I’m spending a few days in Los Angeles for the Digital Promise League of Innovative Schools Convening, of which the district I lead is a part. This year’s convening began with a pre conference for the newly formed Center for Inclusive Innovation. As educational leaders, we live at the intersection of education and technology and are impacted by the flood of “great ideas,” venture capital, and go-to-market strategy that has inundated our industry in the last ten years, no more so than the last three when the pandemic brought significant demand for digital solutions to new and often misunderstood challenges. As we approach what I would call an “edtech hangover” brought about by the pandemic, organizations like Digital Promise and others like ISTE (national/international and soon to merge with ASCD) and CUE (California specific) are well positioned to help us navigate the impacts.
Being around education colleagues from across the country, edtech entrepreneurs, non-profit partners, and academic researchers the last couple of days, I am finding some clarity around what edtech can ‘get right’ if they really want to have impact--in local communities and at scale--in order to assist the teachers and students they aim to serve.
One thing is certain as I participate in these conversations: nearly everyone is in it for the right reasons. Are there opportunists looking simply to access what seems to be an endless supply of venture funds to seed an idea that will one day make them rich? Sure. You really can’t escape that in any capitalist venture. However, the overwhelming majority of folks operating in the space of EdTech research and design have the same desires as teachers, parents, and students. This entire ecosystem is trying to create tools that make the jobs of educators more efficient, the instruction of teachers more impactful, the learning of students more engaging and effective, and the wellness of all involved a higher priority.
So who’s at this edtech ‘dinner party’? Who will wake up the next day with the hangover and who will not?. What will make the difference? Here are some of my reflections from the last few days…
Welcome in, but the house is a mess.
As anyone involved in innovation can tell you, research and design (R&D) are messy. The best solutions (whether digital or not) will come when folks from lots of perspectives are in the room, so we educators want those of you who have resources (venture and philanthropy), those of you who are designing solutions (edtech entrepreneurs), and those of you who are researching the impacts (academia and nonprofit) to partner with us and we hope the same is true for you. So, come on in. Take off your shoes. Stay a while. AND…be prepared for the mess. If you don’t like or aren’t ready for the messy, take some time to get comfortable with it and then come on back.
Be ready to spend (your) money, but read the menu carefully, please.
Research and Design is expensive and schools don’t have the resources necessary to do the R&D for you. Is there an unusually large pot of money available to schools as a result of the pandemic and several years of economic growth? YES! But, those dollars are largely ONE-TIME funds. What schools need most right now are people, not tools. Tools are important, but they are only as effective as the people integrating them. Thus, prepare that we will spend this money on people. In my district, we are taking one-time funds and spreading it out over three years to ensure we can put as many well-prepared and effective people (teachers, interventionists, mental health, etc.) walking alongside our students--even if the money only lasts us a few years. In my experience, too many edtech solutions have ill-informed go-to-market and pricing strategies. Too many entrepreneurs want to pass the high cost of R&D onto the schools. Too much venture capital results in bad or underdeveloped ideas making it to market. If all stakeholders can work to thoughtfully spend the sizable money that is available from the disparate but necessary sources, then more effective products will emerge and all sides will prosper.
The house is LOUD; help us turn down the volume.
One clear frustration I heard from edtech entrepreneurs and their nonprofit and venture partners is the challenge of getting in front of educational procurement decision-makers and, once in the door, getting teachers to adopt new technologies, rather than letting purchased solutions collect virtual dust. I love design. I welcome new ideas. I appreciate entrepreneurial efforts. AND, the level of noise in the digital problem-solution space is even too much for me right now. If, in this post-pandemic hangover, I’m covering my ears and closing my eyes to edtech, imagine how educational leaders who aren’t warm to innovation are reacting. Simply put, there’s too much on the plates of our educators right now. If you aren’t already in the room, it’s going to be very difficult for you to get there. To ensure that good ideas and needed solutions overcome the noise, get purchased, and get adopted a few things need to happen. First, additive measures have to be met with subtractive measures. While subtractive measures are largely overseen by administrators and Boards, edtech solutions that help with subtraction have a better chance of getting in the door. Secondly, the pressure that teachers feel creates a sense of urgency that is exhausting to always live in and limits our ability to thrive. Educational leaders (yes, folks like me) and our adjacent partners need to hold the sense of urgency around learning and wellness outcomes. We cannot let go of the urgency because it is IN the urgency that real solutions arise. AND…we need to pull out all the stops in ensuring that the urgency doesn’t create frenetic, stressful anxiety among our student-facing staff. Easy? No. If you are not prepared to turn down the volume, maybe wait for the next dinner party.
If your first name is Ed and your last name is Tech, you’re not the guest of honor.
If entrepreneurs are frustrated by how difficult it is to get traction in schools, let me share one of our frustrations. Too few educators and students are involved in your design process--and every other part of the process. Here’s the bottom line, if you are in the edtech space and you are more focused on PRODUCT than on the USER, you’re going to fail. Full stop. The table we educators set ABSOLUTELY has room for folks other than educators. We value what you know and can do. We can and do learn from you. But the reverse also has to be true. Too many education adjacent companies are started by entrepreneurs with no context in education other than “they went to school.” Too many education solutions are designed by technical experts and product designers with little contextual understanding of what problems educators face and are needing to solve. Too many funders provide money without asking the hard questions about the experience of the user. The products that have educators and students at the center of every step will win the day.
If the table inside doesn’t look like the community outside, you’re at the wrong house.
If your technology doesn’t solve for the inequities that harm marginalized and minoritized communities, or worse, if your technology exacerbates those inequities, even unintentionally, then stop what you’re doing right now and start again. Issues of access are the first order of business when designing for inclusivity. If students, teachers, and caregivers can’t access your technology whether due to connectivity, hardware, language, location, or any other number of issues--solve for that first. Once issues of access are addressed, then interrogate how your solutions are providing support for the users that have been historically excluded from tools that further their learning. You can’t do that if the folks at the R&D table all look alike, have the same stories and perspectives, and run in the same circles. If you can’t see it, you can’t solve it. The more your R&D involves multiple perspectives, the greater chance your solution will actually solve something. Efforts like the Center for Inclusive Innovation are designed to help you do just that; theirs is a table to which you hope to be invited!
All this to say, the table is set and it can fit everyone who needs to be there. There’s a banquet full of food ready to taste. Some bites--the most thoughtful, and well designed among them--will be worthy of seconds. Those at the feast who don’t gorge themselves on everything and take time to savor the best dishes and engage in deep conversation with those around them will awake the next day happy and satiated, avoiding the hangover altogether.
Prior to serving as a Superintendent, I had a very important role as a scientist. I spent day and night studying a very particular ‘genus’ within the Animal Kingdom, one with very strange characteristics that many scientists fear studying. Their classification is as follows:
Yes, that’s right. I was a middle school principal and a renowned scientific expert in the frightening genus of the soon-to-be evolved species of the early adolescent. Now before you begin to feel sorry for me, you have to know that I loved it. Deep inside, I’m really a middle school kid trapped in an adult’s body. I have often said, give me 800 middle school kids and a bullhorn and I’m fine. Give me ONE toddler, even one that shares my last name, and I’m a mess.
I get middle school kids.
And as such, there was never a shortage of middle school parents seeking insight and tips on surviving and thriving those fateful parenting years.
Before you stop reading this blog because you are not there yet or long past this phase, know that this blog is for every parent. Whether you are deep in the middle school melee, running after toddlers, or long past the daily parenting game. It is hopefully helpful for those who need it now or will need it soon and affirming for those who have long since graduated from those fateful years.
This year, my wife and I have the joy of having not one, but TWO, seventh graders residing in our personal animal kingdom called our home. Our son and niece--two weeks apart--provide us daily laughs, frustration, and a constant reminder of how challenging and fun raising early adolescents can be. As the advice I have given for years to other parents is so important in my own life right now, I thought I’d dust off some of my best advice and share it in this blog.
The following suggestions come directly from a two-part parent education series I led as a middle school principal, called Raising Teens Without Losing Your Mind.
In setting the context for why raising teens requires a specific mindset, I offer the following truths that form a helpful framework when approaching the parenting of our teens. Understanding this framework can hopefully offer some peace of mind when your teen begins to boggle your mind.
Truth #1: Teens are a Different Animal
Teens, especially early adolescents, are significantly different from babies, toddlers, children, and young adults. No duh!, right? While this may be obvious intellectually, the daily transition that happens just under the surface of our noticing belies the reality that our child is no longer a child. It can sometimes hit us like a ton of bricks. With one startling rejection or outburst, we suddenly realize that our sweet baby is gone and an alien has overtaken their brain. “What happened to my sweet Jack; he used to love cuddles with me?” “Who brain-napped Veronica and replaced her with this eye-rolling ball of angst?” To add insult to injury, research shows that modern teens start this process of physical and emotional maturation much earlier than in previous generations. There are many hypotheses for why this is occurring--food industrial complex, socialization, technology, environmental factors, to name a few. Regardless, puberty is starting earlier and adolescence lasting longer, making it even more of a challenge for parents seeking to understand the changes happening to their child.
While befuddling at times, as someone who has spent his career working with teens, I have found the best approach is to expect the unexpected…or even more accurately, expect the expected. I offer you the same advice I offer the middle school staff with whom I have worked: “Don’t be surprised when a middle school student acts like a middle school student.” Acceptance is the first step toward thriving in the teen years.
You might be wondering why teens seem like a unique species. Isn’t this the same kid I raised since birth? Glad you asked…
Truth #2: The Teen Brain is Under Major Construction
Brain research confirms what we experience at home with our teens. There are two times in a person’s life when the brain is at its most prolific change and adaptation. The first, not surprisingly, is during infancy; however, the second happens years later during adolescence. And when does the bulk of this growth and adaptation occur? During sleep! The most underdeveloped portion of the brain in an adolescent is the prefrontal cortex, sometimes referred to as the CEO of the brain. It is where, among other tasks, logical decision-making, organization, and time management are conducted. Judging from the behavior of our teens, it’s not surprising that this area of the brain is the most underdeveloped. It might also make sense to you that the part of the brain that overcompensates for the lack of prefrontal cortex development during adolescence is the amygdala--or the area where emotion is processed.
So if you have been living on an emotional roller coaster ride with your teen lately, you have their brain to thank. And if you’re not on the ride just yet, it’s likely just around the corner. When we take time to step off the parenting roller coaster and take a look from the safety of the snack bar (perspective), we can take some comfort in knowing that our child’s behavior is age appropriate and understandable.
Truth # 3: Gender Matters When Raising Teens
You may have read my first two considerations and thought to yourself, “This doesn’t totally explain my situation.” Or, “This was true for one of my children, but not (yet) for the other.” First, it is important to remember that every child is different. While generalizations can be helpful when approaching challenges you’ve never faced before and when seeking advice and perspective, they are by their nature--limiting. My first piece of advice for every parent is to: parent the kid you have. However, I don’t dismiss generalizations out of hand, either. The truth is that there are some generalizations that help us understand the most prevalent developmental trajectories; one of the most insightful of these is the differences in development based on gender.
I recognize that our understanding of gender identity is ever-evolving , so let me say that if anything I am sharing does not apply to your child or does not conform to your understanding of gender, then by all means, dismiss it out-of-hand. I don’t claim to be an expert on all things gender; I share helpful advice for the generalization in hopes that it helps the largest number of people possible. There is a great deal of research that suggests that boys’ brains and girls’ brains develop at different rates. In fact, the boy’s and girl’s brain is more different in adolescence than it is at any other time in their lives. They all get to the same destination eventually, but not all at the same time or in the same cadence. Additionally, hormonal changes during puberty are quite different in boys than they are in girls, resulting in different behavioral reactions to the biological and physical transformations.
No one gender does adolescence “better” or is “easier;” adolescence is equally challenging for most teens. I simply share this truth because it has helped hundreds of parents with whom I have worked better understand their child, especially for opposite gendered parents (moms parenting boys and dads parenting girls).
Truth #4: The World Has Changed Since You Were a Teen
The last truth I encourage parents to consider when raising teens is that the world is quite different than the one in which we parents grew up, perhaps more different than any generation before us due to the exponential change that technological advancements have brought to bear. I recognize that as I get older, it’s harder for me to say this as many more current parents are digital natives themselves. However, I trust that there are enough parents out there who have young children and teens who consider themselves, like me, to be of the “X” generation.
The reason this frame is important is obvious, but in the act of parenting, we often forget. I don’t know about you, but I shudder to think what my teenage years would be like if every thought, outfit, and embarrassing moment was potential fodder for the world to see on the internet or social media. Bullying happened at school and could be escaped when the final bell rang. I didn’t have access to endless information at the touch of a button. If I was bored, I had to go outside and find a neighbor willing to play with me. Privacy on a phone included a REALLY long cord that stretched all the way from the kitchen to the dining room where no one ever ventured except on Thanksgiving. Kids played many sports or multiple instruments through high school and few kids really “specialized” in anything. Most of us had jobs in high school--mine was working at an ice cream shop and sacking groceries; I can’t remember the last time I had a high school kid bag my groceries today. The only thing parents were concerned might rot our brains or keep us from fulfilling our life’s purpose was MTV or too much time on the Atari. Politics seemed down right polite and no matter what we did to the earth it seemed as though it would last forever. Life wasn’t perfect, and for many it was difficult; however, it was much more predictable, pedestrian even. The challenges our teens face today are much more complex than those we faced, resulting in the need for parents to be more engaged and aware of influences that they might otherwise ignore.
With this framework as a lens, I encourage parents to consider how they will approach the following areas of parenting, and a nugget of advice for each.
Rights & Expectations: Teens will rise to your level of expectations, even if they outwardly fight it. Keep your expectations high, clear, and communicated.
Health & Wellness: Sleep is the lynchpin to your kids physical, mental, and emotional health. Teens need 9.25 hours per night. Keep sleep sacred.
Routine & Ritual: With an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, a teenager’s mind can feel quite chaotic; outside routine can provide inside peace. Don’t underestimate routine’s ability to provide relief.
Boundaries & Limits: Most teens are like water, they will find the path of least resistance. All teens benefit from knowing where the healthy boundaries are and the consequences for crossing.
Rewards & Consequences: Most teens are motivated by some combination of freedom, privacy, and material possessions. Parents can use this currency to reinforce family expectations.
Most importantly, I think, amidst the journey of raising teens, don’t forget to nurture your own passions and your own identity outside of being a parent. It’s easy to lose ourselves in all that is involved in parenting. I have to remind myself sometimes that I was an interesting person before I had kids! You have an identity that has nothing to do with being a parent; that part of you is important, too. Don’t lose YOU in all this.
All these suggestions and frames are by no means exhaustive. Hopefully they serve as a starting point of conversation with your co-parent and your teen.
You might consider joining us this Thursday, September 22, for a fireside chat on gender and sexuality for the modern parent. Todays’ teens live in a world where gender identity and sexuality are understood in much more complex and fluid ways. Join me and Liberty Hebron, LPCC, from Children’s Health Council as we dive into questions and seek understanding in a safe, judgment-free zone built on curiosity. These and many more presentations are and will be available at the www.mpcsdspeakerseries.com website.
Happy parenting! Soon enough your middle school child will evolve from his/her/their current genus into a full fledged adult, at which time you can look back on these years with a sense of accomplishment, relief, humor, and pride.
In August 2022 this blog turned five! To mark the milestone, I re-published my first post. As I begin my sixth (and final) year as superintendent in MPCSD, I find myself reflecting back to my first year in this role: what's changed, how I've grown, and what I still hope to accomplish. Approaching every year, like every day, is more intentional when I remind myself of the words I say to my boys each day: Be good. Be kind. Learn lots.
I wrote the blog to express what it's like to let our kids grow and become independent, and reassure parents that the trust you place in local public schools is not taken lightly. My wife loved that blog so much, she had this t-shirt made for me at the time. Naturally, she improved it by adding one additional phrase. As we welcomed the whole staff to kick off our school year, I wore the shirt because it's just as meaningful for educators as it may be for parents and student. Take an encore read of 2017's Radical Trust here to prepare yourselves for a positive start to a great year:
It’s not hard for me to imagine what it feels like for parents to drop their children off at the doorsteps of our schools each day because it is a ritual I experience with my own three kids. As I hold my breath for a split second in that cosmic moment of ‘letting go’ each morning, my false sense of security when they are in close proximity to me gives way to the realization that once again they will be in control of their own decisions, actions, and reactions. All my insecurities as a parent are wrapped up in that moment of release, when I kick my kids out of the nest and await their flying “home” at the end of the day. This daily act of radical trust gives me pause to reflect on what I hope and expect for them. I kiss my kids goodbye and leave them three messages:
“Be good. Be kind. Learn lots.”
But what do I hope they hear when I say those six words each day?
I want them to value and appreciate the climate, culture, and routines of the space they inhabit during the day. I hope they hear that on some level I expect them to be obedient because, while not my primary value, I do want my children to follow the rules out of respect and generosity to those around them. Beyond doing what is expected of them, I hope, too, that they try their best at whatever they are doing, learning, or trying. I don’t need them to be the best; I just want them to try their hardest. When I say, “Be good,” I want them to know that I subscribe to the growth mindset philosophy, rather than the fixed, in that I believe “good” and “smart” are things you become, not things you are.
Probably the most important character trait I want to instill in my children is kindness. When I say, “Be kind,” I hope my children hear that I want them to approach the kids and adults with whom they interact with the same compassion, grace, and understanding that they would want for themselves. It’s the golden rule, right? Do unto others as you would want done unto you. I want them to know that more than getting good grades and making the right choices, how my children treat people is most important to me. And, like any parent desires, I hope that kindness is returned to them. What goes around comes around.
School exists to teach our children the lessons they need to know to be successful in life and effective members of our democratic society. And so, when I send my children off with the final refrain, “Learn lots,” I hope they hear loud and clear that I do not want them to experience school as simply an exercise in obedience. I want them to choose to be challenged. I want them to seek information that they do not know. I want them to apply the information they acquire in meaningful ways. I want them to explore their world. I want them to ask hard questions and not quit until they find the answers.
The community’s kids are also my kids. Parents bring children to our doorsteps every day filled with their own hopes and expectations and nervous moments of radical trust. Parents trust teachers to have patience and skill. They trust friends to show kindness and acceptance. They trust their kids to make good decisions and come home knowing more than when they left. They trust themselves to have prepared and loved their kids so they are ready to be sent into the world. And our highest calling and greatest joy as educators is to pick up where parents let go so that all our kids feel good and kind and ready to learn lots.
As we dig into the school year, what are your bottom lines? Have you considered your family’s non-negotiables? I think it is helpful for our kids to know what we expect and hope for as we release them each day onto the doorsteps of our schools. And, if your children are anything like mine, they will not always deliver…but there’s always tomorrow.
In just two short days the final bell will ring on the 2021-22 school year. In my world, that means nearly 3000 kids ages 3-15 will be released to their playdates and summer camps, classes and family vacations, reading lists and favorite shows. And most indelibly…to their imaginations.
Sometimes we think school is the chief purview of learning, that we educators have all the answers, that it’s up to us to find the best ways to teach. While that may be true to some extent, after all a teacher’s skill is magic, let us not forget the unique opportunity the “summer vacation” provides to stretch our children’s minds in different ways, ways that are no less necessary and impactful than the nine months of the year they spend under our careful stewardship.
A couple weeks ago, I “took the day off” and gave the Superintendent reins to two third graders in our district, Aaron and Felix, who served as “Superintendent for the Day.” This annual tradition in my district helps raise money for our education foundation, which auctions off the privilege each year.
Felix and Aaron made radio checks, visited each campus, “supervised” recess, popped into their classroom as the “boss,” toured our maintenance shop and brand new electric school buses, and took meetings with local dignitaries like a School Board member and local police. It’s amazing to see their faces light up when the police officers arrive in their patrol cars and motorcycles or when we visit their astonished classmates who say, “WOW, you have all the power today,”
As part of the experience, the students get to help write the SupsOn Blog for the month. This year, we chose the power of summer vacation to spark curiosity, fun, and learning. We started with a crowd favorite among third graders--the Phineas and Ferb theme song. For those who are unfamiliar with the crazy antics of these two cartoon heroes, let me fill you in. Phineas and Ferb take on the most exciting adventure in a young kids life: how to have the BEST summer ever! So with Aaron and Felix my unwitting moles into the minds of local third graders, I devised a plan to discover some top secret tips for families wanting to support their child to have a wonderful, adventurous, fun summer fill of (dare I say) LEARNING.
We began with the theme song, which begins…
“There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation
'Til school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it.”
Throughout the morning we talked about what makes the kids tick, what they love to do and what they’d change about school if they could. Felix loves animals and has near encyclopedic knowledge of some of his favorites. Aaron, while quieter, has strong opinions about his favorite cuisine and travel. So when I asked them what their favorite ways to spend summer would be, their answers were thoughtful and uninhibited.
Phineus and Ferb list some of their favorite ideas as,
“Building a rocket; fighting a mummy; climbing up the Eiffel Tower; discovering something that doesn't exist; giving a monkey a shower; surfing tidal waves; creating nanobots; locating Frankenstein's brain; finding a dodo bird; painting a continent; or…driving our sister insane.”
So, as any good investigator would do, I started by asking which of these adventures Aaron and Felix would choose.
Aaron would surf tidal waves because he likes fast water. Belying his apparent reserved demeanor, Aaron has a courageous appetite for risk taking that will surely serve him well in education, career, and life. Felix wants to find a dodo bird because, while he knows they’re extinct, his research leads him to believe that if he looks for prints, leftover food, and scat he might just make a new discovery. His affinity for knowledge-seeking will likewise propel him through his life’s journey.
Felix, who longs to fish and catch a shark, would never swim in a pool that might harbor dead mosquitos! And Aaron, a fan of local restaurants, really wants to get out of his hometown to St. Louis for some of his favorite bar-be-que. And in a sentiment that kids can universally understand, both boys hope to spend at least some of their time driving their siblings insane; after all, they do it to them so it’s only fair.
I find that when we take time to relate to kids on their terms, proposing questions without constraints on how we expect them to answer, we learn the most about them. A big, wide open 104 days of summer offers this opportunity. I could write a whole other blog on the power of summer sleep away camp (in fact I did; read it here). I stand by my recommendation that if you have the chance, find ways for your children to spend time with other kids, away from home, exploring new activities. But even if that’s not possible, don’t underestimate the power and beauty of the summer to inspire curiosity and adventure in our kids.
I don’t know if Aaron and Felix, or any kids, will complete their summer bucket lists of “climbing the Eiffel tower or giving a monkey a shower.” However, the uninterrupted time to even contemplate these possibilities will stretch their brains and help build qualities like curiosity, perseverance, and innovation that we spend years developing in school. Even if the farthest journey your child takes this summer is to the local library to check out a book on dodo birds or tidal waves, they will have entered a new world of their choosing, free to explore at their pace, following their interests.
So let’s hear it for summer. After three school years upended by the pandemic, after the ever changing adjustments to new normals and uncomfortable precautions that kids the world over have tolerated with such aplomb, let’s make summer 2022 one of relative freedom, exploration, and imagination that kids' brains crave.
Thanks Aaron and Felix for being our inspiration!
Every time I put pen to paper to write a blog involving race, I’m keenly aware of the impacts of the decision to do so.
I know that many will find encouragement. They’ll appreciate that a community leader, particularly one with so much unearned privilege (a relatively affluent, middle-aged, straight, cisgendered white man) would use his privilege to speak out.
I know that a few, even in progressive communities such as the one in which I reside and lead, will roll their eyes at yet another “liberal” white person trying to relieve themselves of the white guilt the liberal media has indoctrinated them to feel espousing plans to teach children lessons that only parents should have the right to teach.
And I also know that the vast majority of folks will ignore the message--not out of any spite, but simply as a result of being overwhelmed by life, wanting to focus on other immediate priorities or take a respite from the near daily onslaught of negative news and the deafening editorialization of talking heads (such as myself).
I get it. And yet, thinking (and sharing my thinking) about race and its intersectionality with education is not optional. Even if only a small handful of people read my words, I have to write them. I have to put something productive and hopeful out in the universe. I know that I’m not alone in feeling the need to counteract the disinformation, fear, and hate in the world. I am one small voice, but I have to use it.
There’s more than just silence that is not an option in the wake of the hate-filled, targeted killing of 10 innocent people and injuring of three more at a grocery store in a predominantly black neighborhood of Buffalo, NY. As a parent, as an educator, most importantly just as a human being, I feel there is more that I cannot accept; I invite you to consider the following non-options with me.
It’s not an option to ignore what is happening.
I am exhausted, too. I’m exhausted by all the negative news. I struggle to not get desensitized to all the violence and hate. Did you know that last week’s shootings at a SoCal church that served a majority Taiwanese congregation that killed one and injured five appears to have been conducted by a Chinese man who had a history of hatred toward the Taiwanese? Or the shooting in the area of Dallas known as Koreatown that occurred just three days prior to the Buffalo tragedy was conducted by a man who had “delusional fears” of Asians? Three apparent hate-based shootings in one week.
This is our reality. To turn a blind eye to these events, to allow ourselves to become numb, only increases the chances that this kind of hate-motivated violence will continue. Maybe like me you know that you can’t ignore this, but you struggle with what to do about it and you’re unsure that your psyche can handle too much more. That’s real, too. It’s all real. I can’t speak for others, but for me, I am grateful to have a great counselor who I meet with much more regularly the last two years than I ever have in my life. I know when I’m dysregulated, I need to take care of myself. I know when I can achieve emotional regulation, some ways I need to spend my time are talking with my family (including my kids) and friends to process in community what is happening and hold space for grief, anger, prayer, and discussion of what actions we can take as individuals to counteract hate in our own spaces.
It’s not an option to accept misinformation as truth.
Hate is born out of misinformation. Misinformation spreads like a virus amongst fear and a dearth of accurate information. We must not accept misinformation and the propagators who deal in it. Full stop. In my estimation, it’s probably human nature to want your news to reinforce beliefs you already hold and/or to have some element of entertainment value; however, I question whether that serves any of us well at all. It certainly isn’t a value that schools should be teaching. Schools have an essential responsibility to teach students how to learn and how to form opinions based on facts. This includes separating fact, fiction, opinion, and propaganda, as well as identifying what is dangerous and intended to harm. Replacement theory--a dangerous theory that fueled the Holocaust and is now propagated on fringe social media sites, but increasingly shared by national infotainment broadcasters--is one of the major lies behind the terrorist who killed 10 in Buffalo. Misinformation is intended to disempower people, plain and simple. Our children and those who lack access to resources for unfiltered information (think quality education, libraries, broadband/wifi, etc.) are most susceptible to misinformation. Social media adds another layer of complication for those populations that makes untethering from misinformation challenging.
It’s not an option to conflate race-based hate with mental illness.
The contention that these acts are simply a result of mental illness is a lie. There are innocent reasons for believing the lie, there are also nefarious reasons for spreading it. Let’s be clear, mental illness is commonplace. Most of us in our lives will experience an illness of their socio-emotional faculties. Some will experience serious implications from those illnesses. Some will suffer a lifetime. These truths about our mental health are no different from our physical health. Racism, however, is a choice. Race-based violence is also a choice. One can have mental health issues and be racist. But the violence? That violence is a function of the racism--racism that is emboldened by misinformation, fear, and hate. I think it is important that we call race-based violence what it is and not try to explain it away as something it is not.
It’s (unfortunately) not an option to shield children from the world in which they are growing up.
As a parent of three kids--a second grader, a sixth grader, an adult--I struuuuuugle with how much to share about the news, when I should share it, the words I should use, etc. There is certainly a part of me that wants to simply avoid the realities all together. Aren’t some kids too young and sensitive for this information? Will I be doing more harm to my child by exposing him/her/they to the anxiety inducing realities in the world? These and all the other questions related to talking to kids about hard realities are legitimate and require answers--good ones. Fortunately, there are some good resources out there that help us answer some of them. The National Association of School Psychologists is just one of many organizations that provide tips for talking with school-aged children about violence and traumatic news events.
In addition to these tips, I would add the reminder that every child is different and every family is different. Parents are the best judge for how much to share and in what ways. Having been a middle school principal for over ten years I can also share that there does come a point beginning in about fifth grade where try as you might, there is simply no way of protecting your child from what is happening in the world. Kids will talk. They will see things. They will hear things. As a parent, I try to err on the side of more information rather than less (usually in third grade and beyond) because I want my children to know that when they hear disturbing things, they can always talk to me about it and not take what others are saying as fact. Further, I suggest normalizing the sharing of news regularly and including the hard stuff with the stories of triumph, peace, solidarity, and community service.
Of the many things that breaks my heart about race-based violence is that parents of color don’t have a choice or even the ability to shield their children from the violence. A Black, Hispanic, or Asian parent is not given the option to prepare his/her/their children or not; they must or else they further put their child at risk. When I share the real stories of hate in the world with my own kids, I feel it is one small act of allyship I can provide my neighbors and friends who are not white by sharing the burden of hate and using it as a catalyst for social and interpersonal action. As Mr. Rogers said in the face of tragedy, “look for the helpers.” Their stories are important to tell.
It’s not an option to do nothing.
If you feel helpless in the face of all of it, you’re not alone. And while helpless is a logical place to find yourself amidst tragedy, it’s not a very productive place to stay. I wish I had some great novel advice, something other talking heads (in which I include myself) haven’t thought of. I don’t. I struggle as much as you. The best I can come with is…
The Southern Poverty Law Center, for which I have the highest respect, has a thoughtful list of 10 actions you can take to fight hate. Maybe start there. I am.
So putting pen to paper and authoring blogs on complicated topics that leave us feeling helpless and sometimes hopeless is not likely to move the needle much. I get it. But it’s something. And reading this blog is also something. And considering what is shared here is something. And holding the victims, their families, and their communities close to our heart is something. It’s all something. And lots of little somethings add up. They add up to a change in the energy of the universe. So let’s all give little somethings as often as we can. Let’s change the energy in the universe and drown out all the hate in the world until hate has no footing.
This blog is dedicated to the victims of race-based violence and their families.
If you’re ever at a loss for something to talk about at a dinner party, try asking those around you the following question, “How do you react to change?” And then just see where the conversation takes you.
Change can be invigorating. It can be hard. It can be polarizing. Change can be many things, but it is rarely ever boring.
I recently announced my plan to leave my role as my District’s leader and also shared the news that there will be several changes to other leadership roles within the district.
Whether in my own personal experience of transition or the responsibility of shepherding others through a time of transition, I am experiencing what I have often found to be true about change: Every person and every organization is impacted by change differently and, like with any loss, there are different stages of emotions around the change that are important to hold space for.
Anyone who knows me knows I like change. I don’t like change for change-sake, but I find change exciting. It motivates me. I’m intrigued by the unknown and inspired by the potential of the possible.
However--and this is something all good leaders must more than just recognize, they must internalize--change is not something all people like. Those averse to change can intellectually appreciate its necessity, but emotionally and experientially, change for them can be an anxiety-inducing rush of emotion and uncertainty. The result is an uncomfortable untethering from what they know and trust.
We all fall somewhere on this comfort continuum regarding change. We also have different reactions depending on the type of change and the degree it impacts us personally.
Much is written about managing times of transition and by no means is this short blog going to offer any novel ideas. However, as we are 770 days out from the beginning of one of the most life changing seasons in modern American history and as it is spring--a time in American public school systems where most of the anticipated changes for the following school year are announced, I thought it an appropriate time to reflect on the four most important lessons I have learned about personal and collective change.
Change is inevitable. In any therapeutic, religious, or self-help regulating approach, acceptance is key. You can’t do anything about something you’re unwilling to accept. So in the wise words of David Bowie, “Turn and face the strange cha…cha…cha…changes.”
Take the time to understand your relationship to change. Whether it is personal or collective transition and whether the change is something you’ve chosen or that over which you have no choice or control, taking the time to reflect on how the change is likely to impact you and staying ‘in touch’ with yourself before, during and after is key. If you find yourself anxious, unsettled, or dysregulated and you're not really sure why, check in with yourself. Maybe it's your body, mind, or spirit’s way of alerting you to a reaction to external or internal change in your life. Conversely, if you find yourself energized and empowered and you're not necessarily sure where that’s coming from, maybe it’s an excitement of the possibility the future holds amidst change. Use that. Celebrate it.
Hold space for the journey of others. Don’t assume everyone around you is experiencing the change in the same way you are. I am constantly reminded of this as a husband and father. Unlike me, my wife is less enthusiastic about change; if it is a change she can eventually get behind, she’s deftly able to get there, especially when she sees me excited, but it’s a process for her. I have had to learn to give her space to arrive wherever it is she’s going to arrive in whatever time it is going to take for her to get there. I owe her the respect of listening to how it is impacting her. I have to release the expectation that she will see and experience the change in the same way I am. And, I owe it to her to share my feelings and experience of the change as well. And don’t even get me started about managing change as a parent where even the introduction of a new vegetable a four year old has never seen before can send any otherwise pleasant meal into a tailspin--that’s a whole other blog. Suffice to say, being a partner and a parent is good practice for holding space for how others experience change.
Be open to the good that change can bring. Lastly, and this is an important one for me and something I find myself reflecting on quite a bit at this season in my life. When I think about the accomplishments I am most proud of in my time as a Superintendent, my career in general, and my personal life, all of the most noteworthy were messy, hard, and even controversial on some level. As an optimist by nature, I have never really understood why some people find comfort in focusing so much on what could go wrong, rather than making more space for what could go right. If I can accept that change is part of life and if I know I have a choice in how to navigate my relationship to the change, I guess I see only upside to framing it as a wonderful possibility. Life is just lighter that way and when we carry fewer burdens--especially those that are just possible, not even likely sometimes--then we have more capacity for delight, joy, peace, and celebration. Nature is a perfect guide for us in handling change. You cannot experience the spring, unless you endure the winter.
From expected life changes like graduations, jobs, relationships and parenthood to massive upheaval like a pandemic that comes out of left field and changes everything, we know change will never be too far away. So at our next dinner party, let’s raise a glass to change and all the possibilities it offers.
Like most of us over the past two years, I have experienced really long nights, weeks, even months. Answers have been few at times and frustration has been plentiful. COVID has impacted the very personal parts of our lives--our families, our health, our finances. Emotions have been raw for a long…long time. Our schools--the intersection of all those personal touch points--have become an epicenter for the very good in us and the not so good. I’m fortunate to lead in a community that trusts its teachers and schools, but even here, I have not been immune to seeing some hard parts of our complicated humanity.
As if COVID weren’t enough to handle, the very real impacts of income inequality, climate change, racism, and authoritarian power grabs have stared us in the face in rapid succession and dramatic fashion.
At least in me, all we’ve been through has resulted in an unhealthy and unhelpful tendency to hold on to anger, blame, and even sometimes hate.
This past week KQED ran an episode from the City Arts and Lectures series, a conversation between two Bay Area favorites--author Anne Lamott and former Buddist Monk Jack Kornfield. If you happened to tune into the conversation, it was quite intriguing: an hour-long back and forth between two emotive and poetic friends full of insight on a range of topics.
Among the topics discussed was Lamott’s process of letting go of her hatred and contempt for those with completely opposite political opinions to her own, and achieving a level of sincere compassion for those for whom she has experienced disdain.
Those who know Lamott know that she is a deeply emotional person--which is likely what makes her such a talented writer. She is also someone who does not mince words. Some are likely to find her off-putting. But in the conversation with her friend Jack, she was anything but.
I was struck by her process toward forgiveness and compassion, especially in light of the last two years defined by deep emotion and division. It got me thinking about what I was still holding on to.
Regardless of on which side of a myriad of political issues you sat the last few years, you would be a rare person to not at times have felt some animosity or incredulousness toward those who thought differently than you. As we enter into spring--the season of rebirth and renewal--I think it might help us all to do some renewal ourselves. I know it will help me.
In their conversation on City Arts and Lectures, Kornfield shares the words he remembers the Dali Lama sharing with him years earlier. In the face of all the injustice the exiled spiritual leader and his people had experienced, the Dali Lama shared that he looks with love and compassion upon those who impose the injustice, saying,
“Hatred never ends by hatred, but by love alone is healed.”
In response to Jack’s story, Anne shares that weeks earlier in a moment of frustration, she had texted him for some perspective amidst a bout of unloving misery. To which Jack replied (paraphrasing),
If we see it all with compassion, we will see people’s fear and pain and attachment without it sticking to us. However, because we are all so human, we may also feel hurt for a time. We can hold this hurt with compassion without taking it personally and laugh at the drama. Gradually, we can see praise and blame, gain and loss, joy and sorrow arise with loving awareness and rest in a compassionate and wise heart.
Kornfield’s use of the word rest really struck me. Rest is really what my mind, body, and soul seek. Yet, how will I achieve that rest without letting go of the anger and resentment I might feel toward those who see the world so completely differently than I do? Honestly, I can’t. I won’t. Rest will be elusive until I am able to see that my anger and resentment are manifestations of my own fear, and pain, and attachment, and begin to let them go.
As the constant pressures of COVID quiet, at least for the moment, and we turn our attention to the assault on democracy and the killing of so many innocent people, my mind wants to hate Putin and the powers that bolster authoritarianism. As I raise my children in a world with really consequential challenges to freedom, to the environment, to justice, and the like, it’s hard not to resist the urge to label people innately good or bad, to point fingers, to place blame, to cast shame upon those whom I see as the enemy to my dearly held values.
But, honestly, what my heart really wants, what my soul longs for, is rest. Rest from the hate that is driven by my own fear, and pain, and attachment.
Returning to the Dali Lama’s wise words, what may help me find the rest I so desire is focusing on love alone. Maybe a healthy dose of love and compassion is what we all need right now. In the face of so much uncertainty, in the face of so much hate, maybe the answer isn’t more hatred, maybe it is love. Maybe we all need to loosen the grip of righteousness on our own souls just a tiny bit to see everyone through a lens of understanding. After all, compassion doesn’t absolve anyone of responsibility for their actions; it simply frees us to recognize the humanity in others and allows our own souls to rest.
Superintendents are not born in charge. Most of us “came from the ranks” of teaching--or classified staff, counseling, school psych, etc. We are not too far removed from the work closest to the student to know how hard it can be.
I started my career as a high school English teacher, barely five years older than my first group of students. Not knowing yet how to balance the demands and incorrectly believing that everything I assigned needed to be graded, I spent many weekends lugging boxes of papers to grade in my small apartment, yelling at my roommates to turn down the music so I could concentrate on grading essays. I had three ‘preps’ that first year--three different courses that I had to plan for, execute, and grade. I taught in the beautiful, yet poverty-stricken foothills of the Appalachian Mountains and my students came to school with every type of obstacle to learning. It was one of the hardest years of my career; the first one almost always is for educators. And for my efforts, I took home $20,000 that first year. You read that right.
Teaching is hard work. We all know it will be. In my nearly 25 years in education, I have yet to meet an educator who didn’t enter the profession for the right reasons. HINT: It’s not the summers “off,” as many outside the profession seem to believe. Spend one week in a classroom and you’ll realize that there are plenty of easier ways to achieve summers off and make more money doing it.
An educator chooses their craft because they’re called to it. You have to be. You’ll be eaten alive by the kids, the parents, and/or the reality of it if you are drawn to the profession for some less admirable purpose. From day one, if you don’t already know, you soon realize that you will work extremely hard to get good, stay good, and retire in this career.
And so, when I became a more experienced teacher, assistant principal, principal, and then moved to the District Office, ultimately accepting the role of Superintendent, I took with me a good deal of understanding for the demands of the job. My experience as a classroom teacher informs the decisions I make, the way I make them, and the relationships and systems I build to achieve our goal; it also informs how I listen to educators.
There will always be a fair amount of consternation by educators regarding how hard the work really is. Try as we might, that will never change. From the Boardroom to the dining room, from the negotiating table to the corner table at Starbucks, we’ll continue to hear exasperation from educators about the demands.
Fast forward to 2021 and the overwhelm among educators is noticeable. I wasn’t exactly able to put my finger on why the messages I was receiving were different, but something felt unique about this moment. It wasn’t and isn’t typical angst; the fatigue is palpably different. As I scroll through the morning headlines of education news (which I do daily), I see headlines that read:
Teacher Burnout Leaves Schools Scrambling,
Schools are Closing Classrooms on Fridays; Parents are Furious,
Teachers All Over the US are Burnt Out, but Parents’ Compassion Has Gone,
Teachers (and Students) Can Only Take So Much.
A skeptic would no doubt question the validity of the actual difference in exhaustion from this year as compared to previous years. And why wouldn’t they? Weren’t most districts’ teachers and students comfortably at home last year guarding themselves from the pandemic? Isn’t teaching, in the best of circumstances, tiring and challenging work?
The questions, I suppose are reasonable, but I’m not a skeptic so that’s not where my head goes. Rather, I’m a designer. Designers ask questions. Designers find out more information. Designers empathize with their end user (in this case, the educators) to find out more about their lived experience in the moment. And so, as a designer and former teacher who happens to be a Superintendent, I did what designers do and I asked a group of teachers-- “What’s different about this moment? Why is it so hard even for those of you who take the challenges of teaching in stride?”
Here’s some of what I heard:
I share all this not to seek anyone’s pity for our educators. They don’t want, nor do they need our pity. I share this because the insight I took away from my empathy session with our teachers resonated with me and helped me understand why this moment feels different. There’s something bigger going on that requires a different response.
I also do not believe that the exhaustion of our teachers should be held as more virtuous than the exhaustion of others. We have all, collectively and individually, been impacted by the constant stress of this pandemic. I think, perhaps, the most important reason to elevate the needs of our educators right now is that they are often expected to “be okay” in the face of any and all difficulty. While teachers are superheroes to our little ones, they are also still human and the impacts of their stress are real. We have to hold space for this reality.
Our bodies and brains are designed to handle stress. Stress is part of the normal, human condition. The problems arise when stress is ongoing, or chronic. Chronic stress impacts everything--our sleep, our appetite and digestion, our cardiovascular health, our nervous system, our physical strength, literally everything. What I heard when I met with these teachers could be summed up simply: they are experiencing the very real impacts of chronic stress and it's taking its toll.
As a Superintendent, and an empathic one at that, it’s hard for me to see people whose well-being I am somewhat responsible for, hurting. I don’t have all the answers, in fact, I have very few. The answers I do have are limited in their ability to have the desired impact. Healing takes time. Healing looks different for different people. However, I can’t let my limited ability to effect change stop me from trying to positively impact where I am able.
So with the teachers in my impromptu design session, we came up with a plan to acknowledge the reality of the moment (often the biggest gift we can give is to just be present, listen, and acknowledge what is real); offer some opportunities of relief (no matter how small or how far apart they may be); and continually manage my own expectations and those of the people around us (it’s easy to get distracted by the “noise” of the moment).
What do these three things look like? In MPCSD, we have decided to let go of some expectations around assessment and meetings. We’re not letting it all go, but we’re letting some of it go. Where it remains, we are going to hire outside support to score and input assessment measures. For the remainder of the year, our professional development is going to focus on a very important part of our Whole Child Framework--integrated well being. Instead of standards-based grading training or modeling of the ‘workshop model’ of reading instruction, we’re going to provide a playlist of wellness activities for staff that they can choose to utilize or not: drop-in counseling, a yoga class, meditation, a community circle--whatever it is they need and feels helpful. Is the PD we won’t be offering this spring important? Of course it is. But it’s not what’s most important right now. And we’re going to engage our parent volunteers, most of whom will jump at the chance to help out in the effort to love-on our staff. Coffee carts, lunch buffets, and warm (masked) hugs are just what the doctor ordered.
We won’t stop there. Remember, the educators are seeing that our kids are in need of social-emotional support, as well. So we intend to partner with youth-serving community organizations to co-create field trips (that our teachers won’t be required to attend so they can focus on their own wellness) focused on the themes of communication, teamwork, emotional regulation, conflict resolution and those other important skills that children didn’t have the opportunity to practice as regularly the last 22 months.
Is it going to solve all of our problems? No. Is it a start? Yes. Does it at least acknowledge the reality that there is something bigger going on than typical winter-time exhaustion? Yes. Will every staff member appreciate it and every parent think it necessary? No.
If I’ve learned anything being a Superintendent, it’s that sometimes you just have to follow your instincts and in this moment my instincts tell me that our staff are hurting and they need someone to acknowledge that the impacts of the chronic stress they’ve experienced is real.
So to our staff in MPCSD and to all the educators who may stumble upon this blog, I want you to know that we see you. We hear you. We appreciate you. And, we’re going to try to help in some small way.
Erik Burmeister is the Superintendent of Menlo Park City School District in the heart of Silicon Valley.